The (Unauthorised) Newgrounds News: Session 1

2008-04-20 22:43:04 by Captain-Jack
Updated

Has been taken down. Sorry. Good times, though!


Comments

You must be logged in to comment on this post.


McJesusMcJesus

2008-04-20 23:05:44

You've got an eerily acceptable news reporter voice.

Captain-Jack responds:

Excellent. I plan to use it for future news sessions.


TruthTruth

2008-04-20 23:08:27

Will this be monthly? weekly? daily!?

Captain-Jack responds:

Probably monthly, or depending on how much content you guys suggest to me here: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/top ic/896079


TacticalShoeTacticalShoe

2008-04-20 23:10:45

Good stuff. Needs more random cameos from random people ( cough,ME), though.

But yeah, I think having some crazy personalities would be funny.

Captain-Jack responds:

I like the cameo idea as well. :)


TehreTardTehreTard

2008-04-20 23:11:12

I think I'll stick with Racist News instead, thank you.

Captain-Jack responds:

Enjoy watching FOX.


OfficerOfficer

2008-04-20 23:12:19

You're not reading off a script.

Captain-Jack responds:

I like to call it a "suggestion booklet".


JadeTheAssassinJadeTheAssassin

2008-04-20 23:18:23

"Can we still be friends?"

badum tsch

Captain-Jack responds:

Hahaha. I liked FIG MEN CUM the best.


CaptainRexCaptainRex

2008-04-20 23:18:44

You're one beer short of a six pack ther' darl'n

Captain-Jack responds:

Sorry, matey. There's only room for one Captain on this deck.


JadeTheAssassinJadeTheAssassin

2008-04-20 23:25:54

There's a gimmick account that goes by either Figmencum or Fagmencum.

Some silly thing like that.

Captain-Jack responds:

Wow, I didn't know FIG's serum was already in production!


tomato-souptomato-soup

2008-04-20 23:46:30

Your pretty. And smart sounding. :]

Captain-Jack responds:

Y thank yar.


EmiEmi

2008-04-20 23:50:52

It was just a simple compliment you know. I have no other ulterior motives.

People are so difficult these days.

Captain-Jack responds:

lolwut.


EmiEmi

2008-04-21 00:11:05

lol Sorry. At the time my comment was skipped, and I truly believed you thought it was somehow out of line.

On a related note though, great video. The use of the old film filter really made it better. I can't wait for Session 2.


MonocromMonocrom

2008-04-21 00:24:46

Hey!

What happened to the Captain-Jack with the strong Australian accent who sounded like she could beat up a bear and turn him into a fur coat?

Soft-spoken Captain-Jack??

Still, a kick-ass idea. Let me know if you need a great yellow-journalism reporter. ;)


MonocromMonocrom

2008-04-21 00:54:47

SWEET!

Here's my first report.....

Fyndir does indeed have Squid-porn. I've seen it. He also sent it to Sarai awhile back. She was not amused.

When I complete my latest story thread on NG (began posting chapters before the official ban went into effect) I'll give you the inside story of why I started posting it before I really wanted to.

I promise it'll be juicy. :D

Captain-Jack responds:

Jolly good work, chum!


CaptainBobCaptainBob

2008-04-21 00:58:00

Gay porn I mean mod lo---no I mean gay porn is going strong. Less drama nowadays though.

<3 and glad to see someone of intelligence posting round these here parts.

Captain-Jack responds:

Excellent. Say hi to the cool kids for me. Only the cool kids, mind you. <3


mightypotatomightypotato

2008-04-21 01:15:03

I enjoy the text search reference for the old timers. Good to see you're not dead and stuff.

Captain-Jack responds:

I'm still waiting for the end of liljim's very long weekend. <3


SNIPERSNIPER

2008-04-21 01:58:01

I always wondered what your voice was like (I don't count your "rap" as your normal voice), Nepht. Anyways, this was pretty funny. :)


ismellaratismellarat

2008-04-21 02:11:46

Bobs or GTFO.

Captain-Jack responds:

( o Y o )


SNIPERSNIPER

2008-04-21 02:19:13

If you talked in rap on a day-to-day basis, then that would be something really awesome hahah! And FBI or Lauren might be able to confirm it if they ever go down under. :)


36Holla36Holla

2008-04-21 02:26:58

Good for a laugh. Let us know about future episodes on the forum.


PeacekidPeacekid

2008-04-21 03:04:12

THIS JUST IN PEACEKID IS THE GREATEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE RIGHT NOW AND FOREVER

TOM'S SEMEN AND CAPTAIN-JACK'S BREAST MILK PRICES REACH RECORD HIGH

A PLANE JUST CRASHED INTO THE NEWGROUNDS TWIN TOWERS

Captain-Jack responds:

MOTHER'S MILK IS COLD TODAY


PeacekidPeacekid

2008-04-21 03:48:10

YOU SHOULD HIRE MORE NEWS ANCHORS

AND A WEATHERMAN

AND START UP A FAUX COMPANY

Captain-Jack responds:

SO FAR I HAVE A JOURNALIST (MONOCROM) A CHIEF VIDEO EDITOR (FBIPOLUX) AND A POTENTIAL INTERVIEW SUBJECT (MCJESUS)

YOU CAN BE THE WEATHERMAN IF YOU WANT

I LIKE WHEN WE SPEAK IN CAPS IT IS FUN AND MAKES US LOOK COOL


DaveMan-CIDaveMan-CI

2008-04-21 05:38:14

Good times.


RuckloRucklo

2008-04-21 06:49:52

Thank you for watching, Rucklo.

LOL

Captain-Jack responds:

also, cocks.


EggyEggy

2008-04-21 09:32:15

Hmm don't use that olden style effect over the top, it doesn't suit well with news. Also center yourself to the camera :) (I'm just being picky)

also.......lol.

Captain-Jack responds:

A lot of people agree with you. So consensus dictates that my next news session shall be done without the grainy special effect. Also, I centered the camera to the left because I thought I could put pictures in a box to the top right corner. Turns out, I'm too lame to know how to video-edit that. ;)


flashplayer5flashplayer5

2008-04-21 12:00:58

Can I fap to you?

Captain-Jack responds:

Do you need permission?


BritkidBritkid

2008-04-21 12:03:31

Booooo, give it some welly.

Look sterner and speak lower, and flirt...more.

Captain-Jack responds:

Captain-Jack does not flirt, SHE TAKES WHAT'S HERS.


killa-noyzkilla-noyz

2008-04-21 12:07:38

Awesome. <3

Captain-Jack responds:

Yay <3


Afro-NinjaAfro-Ninja

2008-04-21 13:24:28

I approve of this concept

Captain-Jack responds:

I approve of Ninjas with afros who have a lot of work ahead of them. I miss talking to you! <3


darknessdwellerdarknessdweller

2008-04-21 13:52:32

:P :P >:C

Captain-Jack responds:

o_O


CarmillaCarmilla

2008-04-21 14:00:27

That is the best video ever submitted to Newgrounds.

AND OMG I WAS MENTIONED IN IT! Bow you jealous scum.

Captain-Jack responds:

Of COURSE you would be mentioned in it! You're my NG twin, I don't go anywhere without you!


PapoPapo

2008-04-21 14:28:31

I love your accent.

Captain-Jack responds:

OZZZSTRALYA


Prinzy2Prinzy2

2008-04-21 14:35:43

I hear Enron is interested in purchasing Radiogrounds too. ;)
But let's not have another inside trading scandal.

Captain-Jack responds:

Yes, it's not like we didn't know that Enron tends to make strange business decisions.


MalachyMalachy

2008-04-21 20:18:53

so, are we still friends?
(also, le hot on the capt. jack song because it was used in some jack harkness video, and jack harkness is like sex, but not in a gay way...)

Captain-Jack responds:

goleftgorightgopickupyourstepgole ftgorightgoleft


BlueHippoBlueHippo

2008-04-21 20:27:38

I hope your next one has little pictures to accompany you to the side of your head, like on a real news report :) Who knows, maybe even some on-the-scene reporters? The possibilities are endless! Nice work ;D

Captain-Jack responds:

I'm too much a lamer to know how to edit the video to do that. Saying that, I can at least insert pictures so I will do that next time. Thanks, dude!


DalarioDalario

2008-04-21 21:48:03

Holy shit, you are real !

Anyway, great news report but I think that you should lose the "old video effect" and add a picture of what you are talking about in the top left corner (right corners are soooo overrated).


DobioDobio

2008-04-21 22:12:33

Your over enunciating of words is so hot.

Captain-Jack responds:

I don't over-enunciate! I speak properly!

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE

<3


LightandDarkLightandDark

2008-04-21 22:20:17

LaD, Freelance Journalist.

Got some leads that say that Ross did not leave because he got a job at Right Media, Right media actually threaten the staff with their supposed mob connections to let go Ross because they needed his coding skills badly, as to why they need his coding skills is still unknown, but I can just smell the scoop.

If you need any more information, I'm supposed to meet with this....Anonymous Throat at 11:00.

Captain-Jack responds:

I can tell Anonymous Throat will indeed be a worthy news source.


NekoMikaNekoMika

2008-04-21 22:21:13

heres what my piece of news is:
Just released bigbadron song to audio portal

My real band needs donations.
The band is Moniter 0

To the denizens of newgrounds..pelase hold back fail post!

Captain-Jack responds:

Not that kind of "news" program. :)


PinballWizard976PinballWizard976

2008-04-21 22:25:55

Cool

Captain-Jack responds:

Hot


Obvious-MObvious-M

2008-04-22 01:56:03

do you love me?

Captain-Jack responds:

I have no feelings towards you one way or the other.


FIGMENTUMFIGMENTUM

2008-04-22 02:08:16

I heard that.

All of that.

Captain-Jack responds:

FIGMENTUM IS BALD


PeacekidPeacekid

2008-04-22 04:32:10

I DON'T WANT TO BE WEATHERMAN

IT INVOLVES WORK

ALSO SPEAKING IN CAPS ISN'T MAKING US COOL, ITS SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE THE SENSE THAT WE'RE SPEAKING IN RAPID GENERIC SUCCESSION SOMETIMES STEREOTYPED IN EDITORS AND PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA BUSINESS ESPECIALLY DURING THE 1900'S

LIKE THAT GUY FROM SPIDERMAN

Captain-Jack responds:

OH I SEE

AND HERE I WAS DOING IT TO LOOK COOL

I FEEL SILLY


PeacekidPeacekid

2008-04-22 05:44:27

SILLY THIS AIN'T NO TIME TO BE SILLY THIS IS A BUSINESS HERE YOU GOTTA GET THE SCOOP BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE

ALSO FITTY FIVE COMMENTS IS A REAL LANDMARK

Captain-Jack responds:

REPLYING TO THEM IS MORE OF A LANDMARK THAN THAT :)


ShawnShawn

2008-04-22 05:47:08

Very good :D

Captain-Jack responds:

Stay tuned for the next one!


RiverJordanRiverJordan

2008-04-22 06:04:34

Vairi Nice! Can Duchednier also be interviewed?! (in case you need one for, oh, lets say episode 3 mayhaps?)

On a serious note though. The only thing that bugged me was the old film filter, unless you deliberatly bought the first webcam ever made, it was only a little bit annoying. Other people seemed to like it though, so i'm not complaining.

Captain-Jack responds:

No, you're not alone! Not many people liked the filter that much, so I won't use it for the next session. :)


LightandDarkLightandDark

2008-04-22 09:29:29

It's confirmed, The staff was threatened by Right Media, and their considering to threaten them again to let go of Liljim!

Now if you excuse, I'm out to find more hard-hitting stories!


RonniekneelRonniekneel

2008-04-22 11:50:42

you haw nice teeth :)
Its really cool u can talk


ZzwickZzwick

2008-04-22 12:08:32

Accent :D


PillowPantsPillowPants

2008-04-22 13:10:42

oh awsome! the chat and the serch bar will be fixed yay!

i also liked the tempory NG chat made by CitricSquid untill that fag KemCab showed up. god that was awfull, im lucky i didint get any trojans sent to my IP address or my acount hacked.